Just a few days ago, we found out our beloved 9-year-old golden retriever, Kodabear, has a very aggressive form of cancer. It is called Hemangiosarcoma, and is cancer of the blood vessels. It is very common in dogs of his breed and age, so it is not a real surprise to some that he has it. Without chemo, the doctor gave him 3 months to live, and with it, 6 months.
WOW! Talk about a shocker. This completely caught us off guard. My intuition has been telling me he will live to be 12. So, I stopped worrying about him getting some form of cancer. I must say, those few months of not worrying sure were nice!
Those who know me well have probably heard me call Kodabear my soulmate. I totally love my husand, but I don’t know….Koda just “gets” me. Erika told me in my first Reiki session that Koda and I were siblings in a past life, and went through something traumatic together. We just have this unspeakable connection. the day we discovered something was not right with him , I could feel his pain. I have been becoming more of an empath lately, where I can feel what other people feel. But that day, I was completely connected to him. Neither of us ate much, we both laid around and did nothing. My stomach was all crampy and felt horrible. I can’t speak for him, but considering we found out he had blood in his abdomen, I am thinking his tummy didn’t feel very good, either.
I recently asked Chris what Kodabear has taught him over the past 9 years. He couldn’t think of anything. Really? Wow. Personally, I am shocked at how much I have learned from him, and he is still teaching me, every day!
1) How NOT to be judgemental. One day, we had him at the creek, and there was a black lady sitting on the park bench, in handcuffs, with police standing nearby. she looked pretty scared. Koda walked right up to her and said hello, and wanted her to pet him, which she gladly did. She got a lovely smile on her face, that made me want to cry. This taught me things on so many levels. He showed no predjudice, no fear, no pre-judgement. Just unconditional love, even for those he didn’t know. I will never forget that moment.
2) Always be happy. As long as you can go outdoors, you have nothing to be sad about. Even in the cold, snow, hot….you deal with the weather. Nature will always make you feel better, at least in the moment.
3)Never be afraid. If you are, confront it. It may be scary for a minute, but once you are past that, it will never be scary again. Without fear, how would be improve ourselves. If we let fear take over, we will never move forward.
4) Never sit around and sulk. Sulking is for babies. get over it. and smile. don’t forget to always smile. you never know who is watching.
5) Make friends everywhere you go. You can never have too many friends. Kodabear has friends he doesn’t even know about! He has touched so many lives in his short 9 years!

Even now, he is teaching me how to deal with the fear of disease, dying, and the unknown. He doesn’t even know it, as dogs don’t know they are sick. They live right now, in the moment. Why worry about tomorrow, when you are still living and breathing today?
The last time cancer touched me personally was when my grandma died of it when I was in highschool. I, and my loved ones, have been very lucky. This is teaching me to enjoy Kodabear now, today, at this moment, to not worry about tomorrow. We will do our absolute best to enjoy every good day, make him comfortable when the time comes, keep him as happy as we can, and when that day arrives when there is more bad than good, we will let him go, with dignity. We will do our best to not let him suffer. We will completely be there for him, as he has been there for us, in all our times of need.
Even after that time, he will teach us how to let him go, but still cherish the memories, as if he is still there.
Yet, he will be there, in spirit. I think having that feeling that he will always be with me makes this whole process just a little easier… Just a little.
So, now I will love everyone, live in the moment more, be happy and never be prejudice. I will be more like my baby, and the world will be just a little bit better.
And, right now, I am going to go be with my baby.
So….until next time…..