As I was laying in my wicked-hot, Epsom/Himalayan salt bath, I was thinking about what I was going to write for my “Dear Kodabear, I can’t believe you left me a year ago” blog. My one year anniversary of losing the best dog/partner/soul mate ever. I was coming up with a list of all the bad things that have happened to my husband and I this year, since we lost him. And yes, there was a list. I came up with 7 things off the top of my head. Friends dying, car accidents, etc. I was going to spill my heart out on the paper, like I usually do in my blog.

Then it hit me. This is not me. This person that I have become over this past year is the grieving me. Having read about the 5 stages of grief, I do believe I have now hit them all. I am now in acceptance. and I am ready to move on.

I am ready to be me again. The happy-all-the-time me, who sees the good in everything. The girl who loves all, who (almost) always smiles, who people love to be around because they suck up the extra happiness around me. I LOVE that (almost 50-year old) girl! I really really miss her. Losing Koda was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and it really took it out of me. Wow, it is so easy just to wallow in self-pity. If you think about negative stuff, it is so easy to keep on thinking about negative stuff. It is a downward cycle that takes a lot of work to get out of. I can see how people can get stuck there.

Most of us have lost people/animals/beings that we love deeply. We all have our way and time of grieving. Everyone is different. Some don’t appreciate the grieving process for an animal. They think of dogs as “Just a dog”. Kodabear was a very sweet being. He was an old soul. He made every single person that ever met him happy. He has taught me more about life, both in life and death, than any other being that I have ever known. He is still teaching me, to this day. For instance, he came to my Reiki session yesterday, nuzzling me, telling me thank you for everything. He told my Reiki master that his path was to take on some of the worlds pain, and then leave. How amazingly cool is THAT? So, instead of continually wallowing in my misery of losing him, I am changing that path to feeling completely blessed that I was able to love such an amazing being. He has been in many lives with me, and will continue to do so in the future. Our parting this past year is only temporary. AND, he never really left, as he is still with me, as a spirit guide. He helps me with my Reiki sessions all the time. I simply call his name and he is there.

So, as I was laying in my tub, I decided to make this a happy blog. I would focus on the next full year, instead of wallow on the past. Instead of listing the 7-10 things that sucked about this past year, I decided to simply focus on how amazing our next 12 months are going to be. I could list them, but then this will be like other blog entries I have done, and I don’t want that. This is about today being the start of a new and improved attitude.

So, Kodabear, I will start focusing on being happy, deep down. On exuding good again, and being with friends, and doing amazing things for the world with my love and abilities. And, I decided this week to honor your name–every month, I will donate a percentage of my earnings to the Wild Life Sanctuary in Colorado in your name. I want you to be proud of me, and the person I am. And, what better way to carry on your name then to help other animals in need?

I love your beautiful soul, my big bear. I will see you again. I hope to see you soon here, as I am still working on seeing spirits. In fact, twice this morning I thought..I mean, I KNOW I saw you following me around the house. Keep it up, beautiful boy!!! I love you!!

Until next time….