When I was little, I, like many kids, had great life expectations. At one point I wanted to be a vet, then a social worker. In fact, when I was in high school, I was sure that is what I would be. My goals in life were to graduate high school and college, get married, have kids, hopefully make a lot of money, have grandkids, retire.

Boy, was I off!

I did graduate high school, but then flunked out of college after my freshman year. So, I worked at fast food and had to support myself (since I flunked out). I went BACK to a junior college 18 months later, after realizing a big university wasn’t for me. Worked at several different jobs, many times held 2 jobs at once to make ends meet. Went BACK to school several times. Finally discovered massage school at age 30, then got married at age 40. Decided kids were not for me. Went BACK to school at age 51. And am still there now.

Fast forward to today. I am realizing just how many, if not all, of my childhood expectations did not happen as planned. A tiny part of me is sad, but I am working on releasing that sadness right now.

I see how amazing my life IS! I have:

-An amazing husband who works really hard at supporting our family. there may not be human kids, but we have many animals who we adore.

-A new-found career involving animals, of all things. When I was a toddler, I lived in a farmhouse with my mom and dad, and lots of animals. I know even though I couldn’t talk well yet, I loved it. Now I get to talk to animals every day.

-A pack who adores us unconditionally. they can be a lot of work, but the love they provide is amazing. and totally worth it!

I have many of the things I had wanted to have as an adult. Yet, they don’t line up as perfectly as I had “expected”. Right now, as my massage business is rather slow, my current “job” of late has been housewife. I clean, I take care of the pack, I do the laundry, I sometimes cook, all somewhat reluctantly. In my BRAIN, I think “I never signed up for THIS. Have I EVER in my life said I wanted to be a housewife? NOOO” So, I do all these things, reluctantly, and sadly, half assed, because these jobs were NOT in my plan for life. oh pooooor me! My inner dialogue keeps going “I am not working because I don’t WANT to work. I am not working because my business is slow. and I am in school to learn a new full-filling career and make more money while I’m at it! I don’t deserve to be stuck at home doing chores all the time.”

Well, this attitude has not done well for me lately. Chris sure doesn’t like it, because he is out there working his tail off to bring in money for us. He has certain expectations from me as to my part in this pack. First I get irritated with him for his “expectations” of me, and have the “I didn’t sign up for this” snarky attitude. Of course, that doesn’t get me far. Because then we just argue, and who wants that?

It was yesterday that I realized that this all has put my brain on overload and overwhelm, and then I rebel by sitting down and playing my game, Bejeweled. Because I’m 12. or feel like it anyways. So, now to figure out how NOT to feel that way, and accept my life and be thankful for it! Be thankful that I:

-Have a hardworking husband who makes enough to support all of us. We own our house, are not in debt, and love where we live.

-Am able to do all the chores around the house. Many women would LOVE doing that, and not have to work 40+ hours a week AND do chores!

-Am able to work out a schedule to get this done AND do all my practice sessions for school, so I can graduate in a few months, and start making money too!

I have decided that I am looking at all of this wrong. I am releasing the way I always THOUGHT my life would turn out (hence this blog), and accepting the way it did. For the most part, I have everything I wanted. It just isn’t necessarily in the order that I EXPECTED to get it. My life is amazing, and I am happy. Of course, everyone has their issues, and their wants, but overall, I have all of what I need.

So now, I am going to drop the narrative in my head, and have a new, healthy attitude. My NEW inner dialogue: “OMG. I get to be home with my pack. I have time to keep my house clean, laundry clean, learn how to cook, help my husband with his new business, and will even have time to do my sessions, by planning each day to the fullest. No more wasting time in between. Time is valuable! Not wasteful!”

And when I am done with school and am ready to work on my OWN business, we will re-evaluate where we are, and make the necessary changes to make it all work! We will deal with issues as they come up, and not MAKE them up in our heads! Life is so much better that way!!

Life is good. and the sooner we realize what we are thankful for, and stop looking at what we don’t have, and where things are not the way we thought they would be, the sooner we are happy. and isn’t that the end goal of life??? Be happy!!

so, I am going to start planning my days, and not wasting precious time anymore. Life is just too short!

Until next time….