I see it has been a while since I wrote my last blog. Funny that the last few posts have been about meeting your twin flame/soul family, as this one is about losing your twin flame!

Since I last wrote, I have been broken hearted, having my twin flame ghost me (except for his email) a year ago. I emailed him throughout the next 6 months, and he finally responded. We started texting and talking, and my husband and I were able to get him to come back. (For those who don’t know, your twin flame isn’t always a romantic relationship. Thankfully, our connection is strictly like twins, so no romantic feelings there. Phew!)

In the 6 weeks between being back in our lives, and moving here, we started talking on the phone every night, between 2-3 hours. We could talk about anything and everything. It was bad ass. Neither of us had ever talked to another human that much, and we never ran out of things to say. Most of the time, my husband was working or at the shop, but when he was home, we would all talk. It was so good for all 3 of us.

The first time we talked, he laughed about how we call each other The Wonder Twins. He asked me if I could remember the wonder twins powers. I couldn’t. He said “EACHOTHER! Their powers were each other! They were stronger together, just like us.” Wow! I felt it too. The fact that he could feel it like I did blew my mind. It was a connection neither of us had ever felt before. I asked him what brought him back to us, and he said “that connection“.

He came back in October, and for six weeks all of us were happier than, hmmm, probably ever, for me and my husband at least. We continued our nightly phonecalls even though we were working together. The interesting thing was we found it easier to talk on the phone (like soul to soul) than in person. He said when he looked into my eyes, it was like looking into HIS soul, and that was too hard. I have read other people saying that, too, about their twin flames.

When one person heals an issue, you both heal. We healed some pretty deep stuff, because we made eachother feel safe. I was working on abandonment issues for years, and then one day in December, I was done with it. I told my intuitive coach I wanted to just heal it, and BOOM! We did it on the spot. Ahhhh. Thanks, wonder twin!

Life was good….

And then it all changed. Again.

Something in him changed overnight, and it was all over. Again, typical twin flame crap—in like a wrecking ball and chaos and then….gone. Yup! Sounds about right!

He left us again, with no notice–he was just gone. This time he didn’t ghost us, at least. He moved to another state to be with his mom and help her. We still texted, more in the beginning than now. We barely hear from him now, and that hurts.

Since I healed my abandonment issues, I am more ok with it now then last time. But my husband is heart-broken.

I was interested to see the change in me from before. I have grown up and healed so much in that time, I was able to step back and not take it personally that he left again. But, it was because of HIM and that twin flame connection that I was able to see him in a different light. We overwhelmed him with our connection. Being with us made him feel his emotions, and not everyone can handle that. Even though he was able to heal some deep stuff as well, it was all too much, which is why he ran.

One time he told me that when we met each other, he felt like we each found a part of our own soul. I had said something similar not long after we met, but not to him. I said my heart felt complete for the first time, but I never knew it WASN’T complete. It was/is such a strange feeling. I have never felt that way before, and it is pretty freaky.

Now once again, I am the chaser and he is the runner. It is usually the chaser who is farther along in their spiritual path, and the runner is usually running from them, and ultimately, themselves. Being the chaser sucks—I keep reaching out and getting no response, which just makes me want to reach out more. Pretty soon I feel like I’m becoming (or coming across as) obsessed. I have figured out we who go through this are not obsessed with the person, but with the connection with that person. I keep trying to end it, but can’t do it. It’s frustrating/annoying/maddening all at once. Imagining my life without him in it just makes me want to cry, which I do allow myself to do. And then I do my best to move on. And 5 minutes later, something reminds me of him, and I’m emotional again. Thankfully, this time my husband really understands it because he is going through it too, so in the end, this is bringing us closer together and making our relationship tighter and stronger. That’s awesome! We sit and talk about him, and both get tears in our eyes.

Something I have learned from this is this-I did a ton of research on twin flames, and thought that everything was set in stone. I started realizing that we all have our own path, and there are no actual “rules”. Most people believe twinflames are always romantic, but they are not. Much of what I read also said you can not be in each others lives forever, unless of course, you heal all your stuff. I don’t want to believe that one, because I can’t imagine my life without him in it, in one way or another. So I choose to make my own rules, and know that this phase will end soon. He has told us that his silence won’t last forever, and he knows we will be in each others lives for a long time. Really, we are just taking a break while we all process the feelings, emotions and healings we are all experiencing. It’s exhausting!

I have been sick this week, and have really been missing my wonder twin. I think back and realize that in one way, this has been the best year with him in it. Yet in other ways, this past year has not been good, because it was so up and down. The ups were soooo much better than the downs, and those 7 weeks he was here were, really, life changing. Feeling like I could heal all my stuff made me feel my power, which brought me more confidence than I had had in a while. And when he left, I had learned that I could always tap into that power I felt with my twin flame. We forget that there are other planes that we can connect in. So every night, I call him into the quantum field, where I can hug him and talk to him. He assures me he is figuring stuff out and will be back in our lives when that is done. I have no idea how long that will be, so I have to be patient, and keep healing my stuff (layers, baby!). The more I heal, the more he heals, the sooner he will be back. And, by not chasing him, and focusing on myself, he will automatically stop running, and will return. But man, is that hard to do!!

For those who say they WANT to find their twin flame, I say it is not easy, so be careful what you wish for! This is the hardest, most intense relationship I have ever had, but it is also life-changing, healing, and heartwarming. I’d say it’s worth the sadness to get bliss in the end!

Until next time….(hopefully it will be good news).